Now What?

Early this morning I got the news that I lost my grandfather Al. I had gotten the news around 4 p.m yesterday that he was in the hospital after having a massive stroke and there was no way to get all of the bleeding from the brain. I was able to sit with him for a few hours surrounded by the people who loved him. I remember when we lost grandma Pat October of 2010. Watching him sit in his chair seemed so sad. He was lonely and he has tried so hard to stay here as long as he could. But grandma made the call and he was ready to be reunited with her. They were both there when I needed them the most. Grandpa taught me how to groom a horse and saddle it up. They taught me how to ride which has affected my whole life. I have a huge love of horses now and I owe that to them. Grandma taught me how swim, how to take care of Pomeranian's, which now are my favorite dogs and would love to have one some day. They both cared for me when I would spend weekends at their house. Halloween was a great time for us kids. We would help set up the front yard with them. I would always walk threw it while we were setting things up so I knew where they were at. But still come Halloween night I would still close my eyes and run to the door as fast as I could. Honestly taking them down the next day was my favorite part. We would go to corn mazes and caves, shopping with grandma looking for wall pockets. Going to the bowling ally to watch grandpa play, or just watching the old western movies with them, the ones grandpa loved so much. I feel guilty that I wasn't there before this all happened. I've been so busy with life and finding the time to go to Sanpete has been hard. I regretted leaving the night grandma passed away, I feel like I should have stayed and made sure she was OK for my own reassuring. But you can't go back in time and change the past. I know I'll be going to the funeral when they plan it. I'm going to miss grandpa's laugh just as much as I have missed grandma's straight to the point advice. I hope to find a photo of the two of them together, the way I remember them. A way to preserve those memories that I love so dearly. I know I wasn't ready for him to leave. Last night I held on to a small peace of hope that he would bet better and be his old self. It wasn't until Connie reminded me that grandma has been waiting for him, and you don't keep grandma waiting... I know they are together and happy to one again. I just hope God gives John and me many many more years before he takes one of us. I get inpatient when I have to wait, so waiting for him to join me is going to be long. I'll probably yell at him to stop playing and get the hell on the other side. Enough of me venting on how I feel, go on with your lives and make a memory.. Love Peace and Chicken Grease