Now What?

Early this morning I got the news that I lost my grandfather Al. I had gotten the news around 4 p.m yesterday that he was in the hospital after having a massive stroke and there was no way to get all of the bleeding from the brain. I was able to sit with him for a few hours surrounded by the people who loved him. I remember when we lost grandma Pat October of 2010. Watching him sit in his chair seemed so sad. He was lonely and he has tried so hard to stay here as long as he could. But grandma made the call and he was ready to be reunited with her. They were both there when I needed them the most. Grandpa taught me how to groom a horse and saddle it up. They taught me how to ride which has affected my whole life. I have a huge love of horses now and I owe that to them. Grandma taught me how swim, how to take care of Pomeranian's, which now are my favorite dogs and would love to have one some day. They both cared for me when I would spend weekends at their house. Halloween was a great time for us kids. We would help set up the front yard with them. I would always walk threw it while we were setting things up so I knew where they were at. But still come Halloween night I would still close my eyes and run to the door as fast as I could. Honestly taking them down the next day was my favorite part. We would go to corn mazes and caves, shopping with grandma looking for wall pockets. Going to the bowling ally to watch grandpa play, or just watching the old western movies with them, the ones grandpa loved so much. I feel guilty that I wasn't there before this all happened. I've been so busy with life and finding the time to go to Sanpete has been hard. I regretted leaving the night grandma passed away, I feel like I should have stayed and made sure she was OK for my own reassuring. But you can't go back in time and change the past. I know I'll be going to the funeral when they plan it. I'm going to miss grandpa's laugh just as much as I have missed grandma's straight to the point advice. I hope to find a photo of the two of them together, the way I remember them. A way to preserve those memories that I love so dearly. I know I wasn't ready for him to leave. Last night I held on to a small peace of hope that he would bet better and be his old self. It wasn't until Connie reminded me that grandma has been waiting for him, and you don't keep grandma waiting... I know they are together and happy to one again. I just hope God gives John and me many many more years before he takes one of us. I get inpatient when I have to wait, so waiting for him to join me is going to be long. I'll probably yell at him to stop playing and get the hell on the other side. Enough of me venting on how I feel, go on with your lives and make a memory.. Love Peace and Chicken Grease

Can't Wait!!

So finished my final class yesterday. Got another A, big surprise. I'm going to graduate with a 3.8. Have an interview today about interning at a clinic on Orem. I have a few friends that are interning there already so I'm uber excited. Have had a few deep conversations with John and Connie about the situation we are in. I don't know why people would use their children as weapons but I never assumed that everyone was mentally stable.
 I've also decided that I am going to be having Jeron, Kabrie's dad sign over his rights. After he beat his ex I don't think I could ever trust him with my child. I would rather work 2 jobs and support my kids than have him in her life.
Johns graduation date is set for August right now, so I'll be working bringing in the money until he can get a job. I guess that is what make us work so well, we are both willing to help the other out in what ever the other needs whether it be moral support or bringing in the money to help us get threw. His schooling is very important to the both of us. I know that one day it is going to make a huge difference than him not finishing. Debating whether or not to go right back to school to finish my Associates, I would only have 4 classes to finish and I know I could get through them quick. But with everything going on right now I don't know if I can go back to school and work the same hours. What do you think?
 The kids are doing great, Kiana is getting prepped to go to school in the fall and Kabrie is learning to walk. Finally!! Connie has been a huge help with the kids and supporting us so we can finish our schooling. Mike has also been a big help, and I feel so blessed to have them in my life. They are amazing in laws and the best grandparents to my children. John has been a great motivation for me to do what i need to do as a person. I don't know what I would do without the love of my life. I must be a little annoying talking about our relationship all the time but it's so new for me to have a good man in my life.
 My thoughts have been running a lot, to the point where I don't get more than a few hours of sleep each night. My thoughts go so deep some times I have to write them down and re evaluate what is possible and what is fantasy. I think I should have become a scientist instead but they get so lonely I don't know if I could be that self centered in my work. But getting the kids lunch ready right now, get back when I can. Love Peace and Chicken Grease!!

Great Weekend

Had a great weekend. Had Audree Johns daughter over for the night. We got to play with make up, do mani pedi's and we got to play dress up.

 It was nice having her over and getting to spend time with her. Had to do a little bit of explaining that I am her step mother and the girls are her step sisters but I think one day she will fully understand. She was very sweet and very polite. Had a small issue with her calling John by his name and not understanding that he is her biological father. I didn't really press the issue. She has been raised to not except him that way. I hope she gets it later on but for now I'll take what I can get. It was alot more fast paced having her over. But the good out ways the bad. We were finally able to give her her Christmas gift. A book I had read in my spare time that I found very entertaining. She seemed to like it. Well off to spend some time with the husband and unwind from such a busy day...

Team Work!!

So last night John and I went out and got Kabrie a new crib and Kiana a bed set. They seem to love what we chose. We also decided to work on our own room. I want a room that can depict who we are just by walking in the door. Even though we didn't spend tons of money our room describes our personalities. It's perfect... Kind of sad, Johns nephews are here for the night and I wish we could have his daughter Audree for the night too. We both have been wanting to get her out for a weekend but things always come up, either on our side or her mothers. I just hope it's soon. I would love to get to know her. Well enough for know, going to get dinner ready for the kids! Love, Peace and Chicken Grease!

Happy Birthday to ME!!

So today was my birthday!! I finally turned 21... I'm so excited I can go out and have fun without my age being a concern! So John let me sleep in today which was so sweet of him. When I got up he made the girls breakfast while I did dishes. Just after 9 A.M their was a knock on the door. It was a guy from the electric company letting us know they were going to be doing maintenance and they were going to be shutting the power off. So that put an even more rush to get out of the house. While I was getting the papers I needed to get my new last name on my licence. Well the power went out around 9:30. I had to go to the bathroom and I forgot I had my cellphone in my back pocket, not much thinking to figure out what happened. I dropped it in the toilet. I tried to get it put in a bowl of rice as fast as John and I could. But I guess it wasn't really going to live. My phone was ready to die. So we went to the DMV and found out I had to have the divorce decree in order to change my last name. So we had to rush to the County Courthouse. It sucked alot having to make that extra trip in the end we got it done. John was such a sweetheart he had some of my friends from school make me a cake and take it to school so I wouldn't figure it out. He turned what started out as a bad day and ended it as one of the best birthdays I've had. I couldn't ask for any better. Well off to bed, tomorrow is a very busy day. Need to go to the phone store and get a new phone. Goodnight and thanks to all of you who wished me a happy birthday!! 

First Photo Shoot!!

Had my first photo shoot yesterday. It was amazing. She loved her pictures and I'm so happy that I was able to give her what she wanted. Can't wait for my next photo shoot!

YyyEeeSssss!!!!

Started my last class last night. Career Development. After I'm done with this class I'll be doing my internship, taking my certification and then Graduation! Yay! I can't wait to be working making cash money!! Life is doing good, been spending more time with Connie. I need to learn to feel comfortable at home when John is gone. When I start working I'll be gone during the day and John will be going to school at night. Sucks to be away from him for so long but I know it will all be worth it one day. I've been feeling sick the last few days. Stuffy nose, congested and coughing. But John has been good to help me out when I need to just relax. Off too bed, write when I get a chance.